Have you ever seen a lady with fried chicken in her hair?
Or slept with thirty seagulls in very deep despair?
Have you witnessed glowing sunsets while hanging by your teeth
From a thirty meter tree with hungry roaches underneath?
Have you thrilled to singing waffles doused in motor oil
While demented chimpanzees wrapped your feet in metal foil?
Have you soared above the Andes supported by umbrellas
Lifted to the zenith by four thousand farting fellahs?
Or wandered on the shores
Of the far away Azores
While your ears were gently trembled
By the most persistent snores
Of a somnolent tarantula
In stylish striped plus fours?
If so, there is little I can add to your life.
You had better leave me now and go back to your wife.